Posts Tagged ‘taxes’

If Buzzards Paid Taxes – with Roadkill!

September 27, 2008

Usher: Deak, aren’t you glad we don’t have to buy houses and worry about fixing them up?

Deacon: Yep – branch breaks – just hop onto another one. 

Usher: This middle class modern church generation is victim to crazy doctrines – scriptural and otherwise.  They buy houses, spend all their extra money fixing them up, then wonder why their lives are so empty.  They seem to think that being dutiful is somehow in line with being Godly or obedient. 

Deacon: And if their house increases in value, they can’t do anything with the profits except invest it into a bigger house so they can pay even higher taxes.  Ugh!  Are they actually going to proclaim to God that they spent the most money at Home Depot or paid the most taxes in an effort to find favor?

Usher: Sure glad we don’t have a “limb tax”.  If we did, we’d have to gather roadkill up to pay for the tax and man would that stink after a few days!

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Gross Roadkill or Net Roadkill?

May 22, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, What’s up?

Deacon: Hi Usher – Just got back from a budget meeting

Usher: How was that? 

Deacon: Always interesting to see how everyone thinks about where the church tithe should go

Usher: Speaking of that Deak, tell me something – Do you tithe off gross or net?

Deacon: Why Gross for sure Usher.  I don’t want to slight God, after all he says first fruits and your very best

Usher: Help me out here Deak, If I get 100 pieces of roadkill, I give 10 to the church (uh,  I mean God), then I have to give 30 to those highway-robbing tax collectors who seem to always take my best roadkill before I ever get it, and that only leaves me 60 pieces of roadkill – how’s a poor buzzard supposed to make roadkill ends meat?

Deacon: God will provide Deak, God will provide,  Gotta fly Usher – keep tithing!