Posts Tagged ‘membership’

Here’s where your tithe funds the new “church franchise”!

August 17, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, the North Point megachurch has figured the marketing out.  Even one of their “lieutenants” shamelessly admits it on a blog.  They’re buildilng video venues and charging 250K to other churches.  Some of the new convert churches are even leaving traditional denominations.  Now that’s an interesting way of stealing christians!

Deacon: Who needs a business plan and investors.  Just open up a video church and fund your face all over the world.  Warren publishes his in books, sells sermons and then has presidential debates at his church to get himself even more exposure.  Very Oprahesque if you ask me.  And how does he get all those people to come and worship in front of a screen?

Usher: Maybe he’s selling options on the side.  I smell a new network and ad dollars.  Maybe even a listing for Wall Street! 

The Chick-fil-A Church

How “video venues” are helping megachurches franchise.


 

How Not to Win Friends and Influence Pastors ;)

August 14, 2008

Usher: Deak, I put together some buzzard questions for my friends…

Deacon: And what are these for?

Usher: They’re the questions you save until you’re really ready to be kicked out of the nest, I mean church…

Pastor, do you tithe, and if so – how much?

Where Pastor, in the word does it say that the pastor is the head of the church?

Why did you go to Harvard to become a shepherd? 

How come you preach on a 4th grade level and refuse to serve anything but milk and cookies?

Tell me why you require membership.  Am I not a member of the kingdom when I accept Christ?

How much of my tithe actually goes towards furthering the kingdom?

Why do we have youth pastors?  Wouldn’t babysitters serve the same purpose?

How is it that every time the church needs money, you ask for it from the laypeople?

What church would you really like to be head of and what’s your career path to get there?

How come all your elders are “Yes men”?

How come you never preach about things like drugs, alcoholism, pornography, poverty in the church, spousal abuse?

How come you drive a brand new car every three years?

How many hours a day do you actually pray for your congregation?

You say that the Bible has all the answers, how come you refer people with “real” problems to “professional” help?

Show me where tithe is substantiated without using an old testament scripture and in context?

 

Deacon & Usher T-Shirts Cont’d

July 29, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, you have fun answerin’ all the emails about the shirts?

Deacon: Not really Usher, you’re not making any friends

Usher: Friends?  Show me a buzzard with more than one friend and I’ll show you a hungry buzzard!

The Three Perpetual States to Church Growth

The Three Perpetual States to Church Growth

 

Who Should Pay Whom?

Who Should Pay Whom?

Church Membership

May 24, 2008

Usher:  Hey Deak – why do we have memberships in the church?

Deacon:  So you can vote and be a part of something God is building

Usher:  You mean something the pastor is building, like a secure living?

Deacon: You sound bitter, Usher.  God is in control Usher – you give to God, you are a member of the body of Christ

Usher: Not as I see it Deak- Membership Obligations: Give, Give, Give  Membership Benefits: Give, Give, Give (occasional prayer if you ask for it)