Posts Tagged ‘craw’

Church Hopping (Part 2)

June 19, 2008

Deacon: What’s the church’s role in “church hopper”?

Usher: First of all Deak, church hopping to shop for the best programs and all is just plain wrong.  To shop a church for all the goodies makes my craw rumble.

Second, lots of churches don’t ever look at themselves in the mirror.  They put the label of “church-hopper” on anyone who doesn’t find their church to be the right place.  Shame on them.

For these types of people who are truly looking for a real church, I have a lot of mercy.  They are often the ones that no one seems to notice when they drop in.  They’re not pretty, they don’t have pretty little kids and maybe they just don’t fit into the mainstream of the church. 

Churches battle this by “training” their A-personality types to seek out the new people (usually with help from the greeters or making these types the greeters) and then they’re all over them like a Radio Shack salesman.  Doing what, why pushing their programs of course!  Ugh!  Let me get this straight – churches want authentic people, yet they push their programs all over them to get them to stay and then they condemn them because they find the church not to their liking?

50 tons of spin…..

May 17, 2008

Deacon:  Hey Usher, saw you over on the Interstate Saturday night.  What you up to?

Usher:  I was huntin’ for some extra for the 50 ton project.

Deacon:  Yes Usher – did you give?

Usher:  I did Deak, and then I heard about the surplus.  Did you know they collected $75,000 over the project goal?

Deacon:  I did.  The pastor suggested we buy another building from some poor group who couldn’t make it work

Usher:  Just what is that all about?  I heard he used the state attorney as justification to persuade everyone to vote for it and to grow the membership ranks as well. 

Deacon:  Usher, how could you?  Are you accusing the pastor of manipulating the body?

Usher:  Yep, you could say that.  What has giving food got to do with buying another building?

Deacon:  It’s furthering the body – you know – growing the kingdom

Usher:  Deak – you gotta stop all that rhetoric and tell me just why we need another building.  Every time we turn around, I’m being asked to put money up for more stuff.  Just how bloody much money does it take to satisfy the elders?

Deacon: Usher, you’re quite the disgruntled bird today….what’s really in your craw?

Usher: I thought we were out to help the poor and hungry, now we’re using the surplus to start another church – so we can dole out more money to heat the second church for an hour a week?  I’m having a hard time putting all this in perspective.

Deacon: Usher, you’ll just have to trust the pastor, after all he’s ordained and annointed……

Usher: Annointed in a bunch of controversy as I see it Deak…