Posts Tagged ‘communion’

Dissention – Good or Bad?

November 8, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak – I read a really cool quote today on dissent

Deacon: Yeah, share it with me….

Usher: It’s from another blogging soul….goes like this…

“Dissent is a gift to the church. It is the imagination of the prophets that continually calls us back to our identity as the peculiar people of God. – Shaine Claiborne – the

Usher: When did the institutional do anything but condemn dissent?  What if we could actually question the modern church?

Deacon: Aren’t you asking for a lot of trouble?

Usher: From who?  If one considers its own works, its reputation, its pride and its worth as nothing, then what’s the risk?  Is trouble being disparaged or condemned by those who have little or no understanding actually a threat?  I can hear the dialogue go kind of like this…..

Pastor: While we take communion, consider your sins against your brother and don’t come to the table = Because of this, among you many are weak and sickly, and many sleep…

Dissenter: But pastor, wasn’t the Lord’s supper to celebrate, to fellowship and to revel in Christ’s sacrifice for our freedom from sin?

Pastor: Young man, on what authority do you speak? 

Dissenter: The same authority as you claim – Christ!  Or is it on the authority granted to you by your Harvard degree?

Pastor: Young man, do you not have reverence for the Lord’s house?

Dissenter: Is this the Lord’s house?  Or is it the church across the street, or the one across town – or one of the other 33,000 denominational “houses of worship”?  I’m confused?

Pastor: Young man you are disrupting the Lord’s supper!

Dissenter: But Pastor, where is your proof that Christ truly asked for us to remember him by drinking a thimble full of Welch’s and a matsa crumb while sitting in defeat and condemnation for our shortcomings?

Pastor: Son, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, your comments are inappropriate!

Dissenter: Pastor, you haven’t answered my question – by what authority do you declare the Lord’s supper a time of regret, condemnation and pagan ritual?

Deacon: Wow, God help the pastor who is faced with such a dissenter!

Extra Extra! Drive Thru Church Now Opens on West Side!

September 9, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, the Chick-Fil-A model works quite nice here.  You know that church that does the video venues for 250K so people can come and worship to a screen!  And if they don’t like it, they can go and get their own screen.  Sort of like a fast food franchise.

Deacon: So what you’re saying Usher is that it really doesn’t matter if people split because it just means that there will be more churches and more tithe and more denominations.  Yeah, and pretty soon, we can just get our dose in a drive-thru and go on about what’s really important – Golf or Football or Soccer or the Bar …….

Usher: It truly reveals the motives of the modern day church.  Money and more of it!  Since they’ve bowed so low already, what’s wrong with a drive-thru?  It might go like this….I’ll take one Podcast sermon (not too condemning), two blessing cards for my kids (they’re special you know), a prayer card for my mother (cause I don’t call her enough), a DVD of the latest worship music (I dig Christian Rock) and throw in communion setups for everyone!  All wrapped up in a nice little case with headphones and a bag of stale donuts and 2 cups of awful coffee.  “America Runs on Drive-Thru Churches”.

Deacon: I can hear it now – “Sir, please pull up to the worship area while we prepare your experience.”

Celebration or Buzzard Beater

May 29, 2008

Deacon: Hey Usher, I didn’t see you at church yesterday?

Usher: I don’t do first Sundays Deak

Deacon: Why not?

Usher: It’s communion Sunday

Deacon: You got something against communion?

Usher: Not really – it’s the guilty meditating quiet time while you’re waiting – It’s deflating if you know what I mean

Deacon: Communion isn’t about guilt, it’s about celebration

Usher: It’s a buzzard beater for me