Posts Tagged ‘cocaine’

Pastor “squirmers” Questions

November 11, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, want to make a pastor squirm?

Deacon: Sure, that’s fun, we deacons are pretty damn good at it.

Usher: I beg your pardon, I think you suck at it.

Deacon: You haven’t been in the pastor’s office on many occasions, how would you know?

Usher: I see the results.  Tell me how your pastor would answer the following (better yet, tell me how your pastor, your televangelist or your missional church planter would answer these questions):

Layman: Pastor, I’m not going to be able to make my jumbo payment on my mortgage in December, can you help?

Pastor: How much is it?

Layman: $6,000

Pastor: (whispers to Deacon) How much money do we have in the treasury?

Deacon: Only $3,000 after we pay your salary.

Usher: Or how about this one Deak?

 

Layman: Pastor, my sun was arrested last night for a second time and I cannot make bail. 

 

Pastor: What did he do?  He was caught in a car with a friend who had a large amount of drugs, cocaine.  He was arrested as an accomplice and is being charged with felony drug possession.

 

Layman: If I cannot make bail by tonight, they’ll move him to Rykers where he’ll obviously be in grave danger.

 

Pastor: What is the bail?

 

Layman: $250,000

 

Usher: And finally Deak, how about this one?

 

Deacon: Pastor, it’s been brought to my attention that there are 6 families in our church who are in houses that have been foreclosed on due to unemployment and the housing crisis.

 

Pastor: And what do you think we can do?

 

Deacon: I’m not sure Pastor, 3 of them are without any savings as they are from small business and they have no savings left.  They are going to most likely end up on the street or in a shelter.

Usher: So Deak, tell me your pastor has faced these and if so, how did he answer them?