Posts Tagged ‘Christ’

Why Do We Go To Church, Daddy?

January 3, 2010

Usher: Hey Deak,

My buddy Short Beak stopped by my branch the other day and asked me how to answer his kid’s question – “Why do we go to church, Daddy? I thought Jesus was fun and cool, but church really sucks! I can’t stay awake for longer than 5 minutes through those windy sermons and Sunday School is full of Geritol and brown-nosers.”

Deacon: So what did you tell him?

Usher:  I told him it was his problem.  After all, he’s fallen for it all his life, and now he’s at the point of no return.  No matter what he tells his kid, his kid will see him as a hypocrite because he still goes and doesn’t feel he can change as it’s too late in life and after all, the fellowship hour has really good desserts!

Deacon:  Usher, you’re so so lame!

Deconstruction – Deacon & Usher’s view

September 6, 2008

“Like a Cult”

Usher: Hey Deak, it’s another case of deconstruction.

Deacon: Yep, it’s a lot more widespread than people think.  Fortunately, this one recognizes it’s a journey one must take to deprogram and challenge the falsehoods of their foundation.

Usher: They mention bashing.  Isn’t that the way of America?  We seem to bash everyone based on our point of view differing with theirs.  And then when we find our foundation is flawed, we have no friends.

Deacon: Usher, you just described yourself.  So what do you have to say for yourself?

Usher: I guess Deak, the only friend I truly have is Him and him alone.  My old friends don’t show up unless there is something to partake in (like fresh roadkill).  They obviously don’t show up to see me unless I just come along with the package. 

Deacon: Now you’ve described the majority of all churches.  They are institutions and not the refuge Christ described in the 1st century.  They encourage you to show up so you can be indoctrinated and you can fund their ventures.  Doesn’t mean they didn’t have good intentions to begin with, but for the most part, it’s just a framework going back to Constantine’s time.

Usher: So if we bash those who do such, are we in the same boat as all the rest of the bashers?

Deacon:  Not if you bash them all.  The church structure is fair game as I see it.  The body of Christ, now that’s another story.  Like tThose who call their words annointed, or continue to take money from the poor for their personal gain, should be in prison.

Usher: So what kind of wisdom do you have for this person who now sees the craziness of things like Lakeland?

Deacon: Embrace deconstruction and discover your first love.  Christ will engage with everyone and anyone who seeks him out because he’s touched them.  The desire to pursue Him is placed by Him.  We often get diverted or distracted by the carnivals of man including Lakeland, prosperity doctrines, shepherd syndrome and the arguments of our 33,000 world denominations.  Christ never intended it to be that hard.  He touches us and invites us to have a “personal” relationship with him.  Deconstruction is the rejuvenation of our faith.  It’s here for a reason.  He’s drawing his bride close.

Deacon & Usher T-Shirts

July 27, 2008

Usher; Hey Deak, I’ve been puttin’ some of our stuff on shirts.

Deacon: Yeah, like what?

Usher: Here’s a  few:

Christ not church

Christ not church


Where your tithe really goes!

Where your tithe really goes!



Pastor or Christ

Pastor or Christ

Deacon: You’re gonna take some heat from those Usher, but you know that.
Usher: Hey Deak, hot is my middle name – hot roadkill, hot asphalt, so what’s new?

God’s Perfect Church Planters – Church Hopping #4

July 15, 2008

Now Accepting Applications! (f/ Adam with the FC remix)

1. We’re not looking for church hopping Christians! If you can’t plug in at a church because you haven’t found the perfect church then let me save you some time. We’re not perfect so mark us off of your list. I’m serious!

2. We’re not looking for granola bar Christians! Granola is made up of fruits, nuts and flakes. We’re not interested. We’re trying to reach people that are far from God and to be quite honest we do not want to push them farther away. Weird in the name of God is still weird!

3. We’re not looking for disgruntled Christians! If you are mad at your current or previous pastor/church then please don’t expect us to take your side (or even listen to your side). We have more important things to do then to pacify whiny Christians. Make it right and move on!

4. We’re not looking for trendy Christians! We’re not trying to create a new church fad that attracts all kinds of Christians that are bored with their current churches. We value and respect all kinds of church models and philosophies. If you like getting on board with new church trends then you’ll find yourself in the wrong place!

5. We’re not looking for fix-it Christians! Please don’t come if you feel the need to fix pastors, ministries and churches. You won’t enjoy it here and we won’t enjoy having you. God’s vision for Forward Church is not broken so please take your toolbox somewhere else!

I agree with him!

Check back often as I continue to work out what Forward Church will look and feel like.

Until next time.


Usher; Hey Deak, it’s the perfect church – they don’t need anyone who isn’t just like them!

Deacon: What is “just like them”

Usher: Don’t have a clue – let me see if I can figure it out –

– No church hoppers
– No fruits nuts or flakes – no cereal christians
– No one who is hurting
– No whiny christians
– No disgruntled christians
– No “faddy” christians
– No fix-it christians

Deacon: Do they even know christians?  I’ve never seen a church with anything but the above!

Usher: My point exactly!  In their eyes, they’re perfect.  They must have won God’s gold medals at the spiritual olympics!

Deacon: So what happens when they are out in the mission field and one of them fails in the eyes of a Muslim or a JW or a Mormon or a Hindu or a Buddhist?

Usher: Then I guess Christ loses because their christianity is nothing but perfect – and if everyone is not perfect, their gospel don’t work

New Denomination: ProChurch

June 9, 2008

Usher: Deak, You hear about the new denomination – ProChurch?

Deacon: What’s that all about?

Usher: This new church in town has done a comprehensive studay & survey and they came up with an amazing conclusion

Deacon: What’s that?

Usher: They discovered that the original reason for all of the denominations (the divine interpretation of the word) is no longer relevant

Deacon: Yeah, and…….

Usher: They found people care more about the programs, in fact, programs were the top priority of the thousands surveyed.  Interpretation of the word was way down on the list, along with missions and discipleship

Deacon: So they’re starting a new denomination based solely on programs?

Usher: Yep, they’re calling it “ProChurch”. Last I heard they had 1000 people sign up for early membership.  They’re giving out free health club memberships for all of the early signers……