Posts Tagged ‘chapel’

“It’s Just Church”

November 20, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, I think I’ve got the perfect out for pastors!

Deack: Why do pastors need an out?

Usher: Because they all use different biblical excuses to back their choices, cover up their real motives and snow the church goers.  They need to be just like the CEOs of our great capitalistic country and tell everyone the same thing in response to any decision that the congregation might disagree with.

Deacon: And what’s that?

Usher: See below…

Layperson: Pastor, how come you built a bigger building and more classrooms instead of giving more money to the mission field?

Pastor:  You have to understand that this is what the people demand of us.  They wanted more programs and better facilities for their privileged children, after all “It’s just church”

Layperson: Pastor, I understand you’re stopping the homeless ministry in light of increasing the choir budget and adding a new addition onto the chapel. 

Pastor: We really don’t have the resources to help the homeless.  There are much more qualified services that are offered by the state.  It’s really not our calling.  We are not the answer to today’s social demise, after all, “we’re only a church”.

Layperson: Pastor, can we sponsor the orphanage infrastructure project so they can have clean drinking water and a working septic system?  If we forego the mission trip ($1500/kid x 30 kids) and simply give the money directly to the orphanage, they can hire local companies to do the work that has been needed for 5 years.

Pastor: We’ve already committed to the mission trip.  I’m afraid this type of change would be too disruptive to the plans everyone has made for the trip.  Maybe next year.  After all, we can’t fix the world, “we’re only one church”.

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Pastor Pastor Oh won’t you tell me please…

August 9, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, I wrote a rap, can you add the music?

 

Deacon: Aw Usher, I’m a buzzard, I can’t sing

 

Usher: Do your best Deak, here are the words……

 

Pastor Pastor, Oh won’t you tell me please

Why you take so much money from the least of these

Don’t the scriptures say that what you do for them

You do unto Him……

 

Pastor Pastor Oh won’t you please explain

Why you’re rarely here when they cry out in pain

Don’t the scriptures say that what you do for them

You do unto Him….

 

Constantine would be proud of the church of today

Where all who come are encouraged to pay

Where men are exalted by the stories they tell

The pagan tradition is alive and well

 

Programs are bait and marketing prose is king

Big pretty buildings scream bling bling bling

Sermons are published and sold for great gains

As pastors travel the circuit in their private planes

 

For some odd reason, the laypeople stay mum

Every Sunday morning they continue to come

To practice tradition and listen some more

And fund the dreams of the pastor, while ignoring the poor

 

An Image of caring and concern, pastors portray

But when times get tough, they call the laymen to pray

And when money is requested for the poor, the budget is suddenly low

Oh where does the tithe of the poor people go?

 

But why fight it, why can’t we all join in the fun

We’ll go to Christian college, get a degree and with pride we can beam

We can all be appointed to a church of our own

And fleece the poor and naiive while we fund our own American dream

 

And when we approach our maker at the end of our reign

We’ll all proclaim how successful we’ve been

How we furthered the kingdom with our big pretty chapels

How we encouraged the laymen to care for the sick while we vacationed with our families

How we taught them to give to the poor because we used their money to buy our jets

How we used all the funds to fund programs to attract bigger and bigger crowds

To publish more books and sermons and and and and and……

 

You fill in the blanks…….

 

Copyright: Deacon & Usher Productions (hehe)