Dissention – Good or Bad?

November 8, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak – I read a really cool quote today on dissent

Deacon: Yeah, share it with me….

Usher: It’s from another blogging soul….goes like this…

“Dissent is a gift to the church. It is the imagination of the prophets that continually calls us back to our identity as the peculiar people of God. – Shaine Claiborne – the simpleway.org

Usher: When did the institutional do anything but condemn dissent?  What if we could actually question the modern church?

Deacon: Aren’t you asking for a lot of trouble?

Usher: From who?  If one considers its own works, its reputation, its pride and its worth as nothing, then what’s the risk?  Is trouble being disparaged or condemned by those who have little or no understanding actually a threat?  I can hear the dialogue go kind of like this…..

Pastor: While we take communion, consider your sins against your brother and don’t come to the table = Because of this, among you many are weak and sickly, and many sleep…

Dissenter: But pastor, wasn’t the Lord’s supper to celebrate, to fellowship and to revel in Christ’s sacrifice for our freedom from sin?

Pastor: Young man, on what authority do you speak? 

Dissenter: The same authority as you claim – Christ!  Or is it on the authority granted to you by your Harvard degree?

Pastor: Young man, do you not have reverence for the Lord’s house?

Dissenter: Is this the Lord’s house?  Or is it the church across the street, or the one across town – or one of the other 33,000 denominational “houses of worship”?  I’m confused?

Pastor: Young man you are disrupting the Lord’s supper!

Dissenter: But Pastor, where is your proof that Christ truly asked for us to remember him by drinking a thimble full of Welch’s and a matsa crumb while sitting in defeat and condemnation for our shortcomings?

Pastor: Son, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, your comments are inappropriate!

Dissenter: Pastor, you haven’t answered my question – by what authority do you declare the Lord’s supper a time of regret, condemnation and pagan ritual?

Deacon: Wow, God help the pastor who is faced with such a dissenter!

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Ultimate Job Security

November 4, 2008

Usher: Deak, I need a job that has a great future

Deacon: So, go to school and get a degree, a pedigree if you will and you’ll have that…

Usher: Yeah, but what kind of pedigree has the greatest amount of security, benefits, longevity and you know – kind of perfect for the long haul

Deacon: It’s not that easy to predict because usually once the industry takes off and proves itself, it’s old hat in the market but new in academia.  If you’re not on the cutting edge, you’re the tail wagging the dog.

Usher: Kind of like IT in the 80s, Internet & Telecom in the 90’s and investment banking today?

Deacon: You got it.  Nothing is secure.  Everything is fluid and all vocations seem to have a very short shelf life.  And in this society, it’s getting shorter and shorter what with the boomers retiring and all.  I’m beginning to think that geriatrics will be the next up and coming hot vocation!

Usher: I beg your pardon – I think I know the perfect vocation that has none of what you describe.

Deacon: What on earth are you talking about?

Usher: Well, you don’t need funding or a business plan.  You do need an education, but it doesn’t have to be from a Harvard or a Yale or an MIT. 

Deacon: Go on, I’m intrigued..

Usher: You get your own staff and budgets typically grow every year. 

Deacon: Sounds fairly interesting…

Usher: Best of all, you determine your own work schedule, your free time, when you vacation and for the most part, you work a 40 hour week.  Benefits are included and if they’re not sufficient, you simply apply for better.  You have full authority with autonomy!

Deacon: With a job like that, there must a high barrier to entry major job requirements?

Usher: Not really.  You see you can write your own bylaws and if they don’t work, you simply change them from time to time. “Everything in context” they say.

Deacon: What about accountability?

Usher: You’re almost always in a satellite capacity if you’re part of a larger organization, but if it’s your own, then you’re pretty much your own boss.  Not a lot of accountability as your customers are usually distracted with other issues like paying mortgages, borrowing for tuition and planning their vacations.

Deacon: Tell me more about the customers?

Usher: Well it’s a great vocation as most customers are repeat customers and there are multiple revenue streams.  If things get tight, one simply raises more funds from the same customer base!  They’re always willing to bring more because they’re afraid if they don’t, they might suffer. 

Deacon: What’s the product or service?

Usher: A bunch of intangibles is how I’d describe it.  Kind of like insurance, but not really.  A little like education, but not really.  A lot like politics in that the onus is really on the customer, except at election time when all the promises are made.  After election, the customer assumes all of the risk and let’s you off the hook.  They never had a choice!  All one must do is get elected.

Deacon: So let me get this straight.  There is little or no accountability, a ton of security, no tangible products or services and little to no risk?  You technically only have to be elected once and you’re in for the duration.  With all those benefits, there must be limited openings with fierce competition?

Usher: Not really.  In fact, it’s one of the easiest vocations to acquire.  I have yet to meet a single person who flunked out of university pursuing this type of career.  Some choose another major but never have I heard of someone seeking out this vocation and failing.  It’s subjective in nature and not really black and white.  Kind of like a politically correct soccer league where everyone plays and everyone gets a trophy at year’s end.

Deacon: OK, I’m baffled.  What on earth could be so grand?

Usher: Why, pastoring a church of course!  Where is your head Deak?  It’s the perfect vocation.  You never have to be right, you can always find a scriptural reference to your point of view that cannot be challenged and you can throw anyone out who doesn’t agree.  There are tons of churches begging for a pastor to lead them and they pay you, listen to you every Sunday (only for an hour tops though) and whatever you tell them, they believe.  As long as you fill it full of rhetoric, idealisms, nothing absolute, they will rationalize it into their own set of circumstances and even if they question you, the Bible isn’t black and white and thus, there are no definitives.  All you have to give them is programs for their kids (and they do all the work) and they come back week after week after week.  You can always send them on their merry way if they disagree by either isolating them, ignoring them, disfellowshipping them, or best of all, condemn them for being disgruntled and dis’sing God’s church and people.  Accuse them of “sowing discord” or attack their character by telling them to study the Bible and repent from their dissenting ways.  That usually works quite well.  If none of those work, you simply have breakfast with them and suggest they find another place to hang their hat.  After all, no pastor deserves to be questioned or held accountable by a layperson, ‘eh Deak?

Denominational Reviews

November 2, 2008

Usher: Deak, what if people did reviews on the Internet after they “shopped” churches? 

Deacon: I don’t know – what would that do?

Usher: Well, first of all, you could find out what they were really like as the names don’t mean a thing to people today.

Deacon:  Sort of like churches would be actually described in the reviews by their true behavior – what would they really be called?

Usher: That’s really interesting.  I wrote a couple below that relate to churches I’ve been to or belonged to:

The church with the free bagels and coffee (during service in case the sermon sucks)

The Church of Bad Coffee (the urns must be from the 60’s)

The Church with the Wal Mart greeters – better yet how about Wal Mart West? (I belonged to a church where the town actually nicknamed the church Wal Mart because of all the stuff they had to do to get permitting to build it)

The Church of the insecure pastor – the sermons have 6 clarifying stories or scenarios for each point made

The Up & Down Church (from standing up and down so many times)

The Church of the old pews (where you’re afraid to sit down for fear they’ll break)

The Assisted Living Church (No one under 50 ever seemed to come)

The Church of the blue hairs (this one was about 30 people and they were living on an annuity – no reason to evangelize in today’s society because they had nothing to offer to families and there were no kids in the church)

The Church of the intinerant parking attendants (I swear they never step inside – this particular church was in the northeast and had two huge parking lots and about 20 attendants every Sunday)

The Church that wouldn’t change it’s sign out front (ever see a sign that has those replaceable letters but they’re too lazy to change it from week to week?)

The Church of my grandfather (and still is)

The Church of the pretty windows and empty seats (this is a problem worldwide where people are trying to preserve the buildings – to heck with the furthering of the gospel)

The Church with the smelly hymnals (because the one’s in the pews where we sat hadn’t been opened in years)

The Church of the Windy Pastor (sermons went on and on – everyone has been to or belonged to one of these if they’ve been a christian for any amount of time)

MCMass (church with masses every hour and drive-up confession)

The Weaker Seeker Church – you know the type – 40 minute services with 20 minutes of rock and roll worship

The Church of the Suburb Soccer Moms – where fellowship is about kid’s sports, decorating the homestead and braggin’ about the new SUV they just got!

The Church of the Pastor’s Friends – the church that has the perfect pastor and the perfect deacons (that no one knows except from the pastor’s sermons or their lengthy prayers) and no one knows where the pastor goes or what he does outside Sunday services.  Interestingly enough, they’re great at referrals and aloof when it comes to anyone outside their immediate circle.

Usher: Maybe some of our friends can share about the real impressions of the churches they’ve been to or belonged to…..

Megachurch Rules!

October 19, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, this is where we are headed! 

Deacon: Ironically Usher, it’s pretty close to reality.

Usher: All you have to do is change a few of the nouns and adjectives and it all fits.

http://echurch.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

Church, State & Wall Street

October 17, 2008

Usher: Deak, What do politicians, fund managers & megachurch pastors have in common?

Deacon: I don’t know Usher, but I’m sure you’re going to enlighten me…

Usher: No matter what they promise, you’ll never see your taxes, tithe or 401K money again!

…if the Church recognized Missionaries

October 12, 2008

This is response from a comment by Vanity of Vanities….great question by the way!

Usher: Hey Deak, you got a response for Vanity of Vanities?

Deacon: Once again Usher, the overall understanding of missionaries is that they are weak, needy, dependent and obliged to come back to their church with their hat in hand begging for support.

Usher: Isn’t that what missionaries are to most churches?

Deacon: To most churches – that is exactly what the churches have made the missionaries out to be.  Because mission funds are just another program and the church simply does it because they’ve been told that that’s the right thing to do.  Missionaries are almost never a priority especially with the pastor.  If they were, the pastor would have to give up more of his money.  But today’s church has made them such a minority in the areas of finance, that they are supported separate from the church tithe with special offerings.  As you and I are not supporters of the 10% tithe, then one might ask, where would support dollars come from to support the missionaries?  From the congregation of course! 

Usher: I get it.  The congregation has no part in interacting with the missionaries, or getting their hands dirty. The pastor either hoards all the time with the missionary family or simply defaults to it because the congregation has no interest or simply doesn’t validate the role of the missionary other than coming back to the church to beg for money every so often!  Wow, if the pastors only knew that by not making the congregation aware of the true roles of the missionary, they end up simply throwing all of the onus back onto him!  And now he’s simply a jack-of-all-ministries and master-of-none!

Deacon: If one were to rebuild this thinking, they would simply do away with the tithe, spend time getting to know the missionaries in their body, work towards contributing to the cause of the missionary, send the pastor out to tent-making school and the church would once again flourish.  A church could actually further the kingdom by supporting missionaries who are out making disciples instead of lame marketing schemes carried out by the modern church that don’t have a chance other than to grow programs.

Usher: Ain’t gonna happen!  Man won’t change until God brings about disaster and takes away all the chocolates!  We need another Egypt or fall of Rome or something to wake the church up.  Till then, they’ll simply sit around and debate.

Deacon: Kind of like what we’re doing?

Usher: Hey, if one set of ears hears it and makes a true change in their way of thinking – we could have a revolution!  And missionaries would be seen as warriors instead of pitiful little beggars as we have made them out to be.

“Real” Reasons We Pay the Pastor…

October 6, 2008

Usher: Deak, I’m not much for payin’ pastors, but lots of today’s nuclear families are. 

Deacon: Most people think a pastor is worth his wage.  What’s your point?

Usher: Well, here are some of the real reasons we pay the pastor….

  • To buy the matzas for communion – because we don’t know which brand to buy
  • To put up with Margaret the secretary who’s there because the last pastor wrote her into the bylaws
  • Visiting “Vinny” in the hospital – we don’t know Vinny and going to the hospital smells!
  • To run the business meetings – what a waste of time – I’ll never go to one of those again!
  • To deal with Mikey the youth pastor who botched his college career and has no other way to make $$
  • To be the arbitrator between the “hymn lovers” and the “boomers” who prefer contemporary worship
  • To manage those A-personality girls who run the VBS every year – oh they are so annoying
  • To counsel Fred the “want-to-be elder” who cannot seem to ever pass up a request for prayer or a recommitment of his faith
  • To field the complaints of the blue-hairs on “what’s for Wednesday night dinner”
  • To attend the Wednesday night dinners
  • To hire all the “yes” men for the deacon board
  • To attend the leadership meetings and settle all the trivial arguments amongst the “yes” men
  • To have dinner with all the visiting missionaries – especially the translators – who can relate?
  • To counsel all the troubled wives – note we said wives – cause their husbands never come
  • To approve the worship list and settle the disputes between worship leaders
  • To read the announcements for the same 12 people who care about the announcements
  • Last but not least – to prepare the sermons I can never recall and to pray for the same 10 people who request it every week

Deacon: Your view is slightly cynical, Usher.

Usher: If you’re readin’ this, let us know what your pastor gets paid for?????

Secret shopper vets small groups for picky families

October 2, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, I was talking to my buddy the other day and he suggested I become a secret shopper!

Deacon: Usher, what are you talking about?  We eat roadkill, not twinkies!

Usher: Not for food Deak, for Christian small groups.  There are people who actually pay to have people shop small groups to find the perfect fit.  I told you church is nothing but a Rotary, Lions or Elks club in different clothing.  People don’t go to worship God, they go to be enteretained and to make sure there are plenty of people just like them.

Secret shopper vets small groups for picky families      BOWLING GREEN, Ohio — Sonya Howard recently visited a small group meeting in Akron that she had no intention of joining. That’s because Howard is a small group secret shopper employed by families to choose a church small group for them.  Read more

If Buzzards Paid Taxes – with Roadkill!

September 27, 2008

Usher: Deak, aren’t you glad we don’t have to buy houses and worry about fixing them up?

Deacon: Yep – branch breaks – just hop onto another one. 

Usher: This middle class modern church generation is victim to crazy doctrines – scriptural and otherwise.  They buy houses, spend all their extra money fixing them up, then wonder why their lives are so empty.  They seem to think that being dutiful is somehow in line with being Godly or obedient. 

Deacon: And if their house increases in value, they can’t do anything with the profits except invest it into a bigger house so they can pay even higher taxes.  Ugh!  Are they actually going to proclaim to God that they spent the most money at Home Depot or paid the most taxes in an effort to find favor?

Usher: Sure glad we don’t have a “limb tax”.  If we did, we’d have to gather roadkill up to pay for the tax and man would that stink after a few days!

You finish the televangelist’s statement….

September 25, 2008

Usher: Deak, what if you could be inside a modern church pastor’s brain – what would you really get to know about them?

Deacon: I sense a huge dose of sarcasm – is this going to be ugly, funny or simply “usherly”?

Usher: I’ll finish the thought – you can do it too – send me a comment…..

Creflo Dollar: Give cheerfully and know that God will give to you in direct relation to what you give to Him  …and with the proceeds, I’ll finish my new indoor pool and buy those sweet silver cupholders for my new Rolls Royce…..

Richard Roberts: Dear Lord, let the people give that the storehouses will be full…and my golf locker will have a new pair of ostrich-skin golf shoes to match my new ostrich skin head covers….

Lindsay Roberts: Lord, please help me find a scripture that justifies ……me seeing younger men because Richard won’t do anything but play golf and shop for shoes.

Kenneth Copeland: We come to give to the Lord that  the world may see that God rewards a cheerful giver …and the champagne racks in my 20 million dollar jet will be chilled and filled!

Jim Cymbala: Lord, we come to worship you today  ….with the choir that my wife built!

Joel Osteen: Lord, we pray for those airline people for a change of heart ….because my wife deserves to be treated like a celebrity.  Don’t they know who I am?

Benny Hinn: Lord, heal this person’s physical body  …..so I can get a bigger donation.  My hair transplant bill is killing me!

Usher: Send in your thoughts and comments………what is that leader really thinking?

Pastors – Legitimate or Not?

September 23, 2008

Usher: Deak, what are your thoughts on Frank Viola’s book Pagan Christianity? as it relates to the role of the pastor?  If a pastor’s role is simply pagan, and the church continues to practice mostly pagan rituals (including tithing), how does one go about justifying giving their lives to the pastorate? How does one continue to operate as a pastor knowing that Christ does not recognize the pastor as head of the church?  See page 181…

A further peril of the paid pastorate is that it produces clergy who feel “stuck” in the pastorate because they believe they lack employable skills.  “I (Frank) personally know a good number of pastors who felt convicted to leave the minstry.  All of their schooling and training had been dedicated to studying and preaching the Bible.  While those skills are noteworthy, they are of limited appeal in the secular job market.  The major hurdle they now face is forging a new career to support their families.  A friend of mine, an ex-pastor himself, is writing a booklet on how pastors can find employment and enter new careers after leaving the clergy system.  His ideas are not based on theory. ….. Even so, it is exceedingly difficult for many contemporary pastors to acknowledge the lack of scriptural support for their office simply because they are financially dependent upon it.  As Upton Sinclair once said, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”  No wonder it takes a person of tremendous courage and faith to step out of the pastorate.  Unfortunately, most of us are deeply naiive about the overwhelming power of the religious system.  It is a faceless system that does not tire of chewing up and spitting out its own.” – Pagan Christianity?  Frank Viola & George Barna

Deacon: How would you feel if you actually were in those shoes?  What would you say to your wife and kids when you came home with that conviction?  Would you claim that your choice was naiive and based on your knowledge at that time?  What would you do with the rest of your life?  Would you be willing to sacrifice all that you had worked for in exchange for a clean set of convictions?  What if you were 40+ years old and had no resourceful ways in which to figure out another method of providing for your family?

Usher: Maybe I’d just continue to take advantage of the poor and naiive of the church simply out of fear?  Is it any different from inheriting a fortune from my father’s moonshine business and then go on to become president of the United States.  Does that make the money clean or justify the actions of my father and how he obtained the riches?

Deacon: Careful, you’re stepping on the toes of a lot of powerful people with that one, oh provocative buzzard.  I’m not sure I want to be on the same branch of your tree when certain people read this post.

Usher: It still doesn’t make it right.  I feel for people who make choices based on limited knowledge or incorrect knowledge, but God knows and he allowed it.  How much more valiant would it be for a person to come clean and confess such a conviction?  What if it became a movement?

Deacon: If pastors came to terms with this issue, it would destroy the modern church.  Debate would incur and those against it would rationalize it away for fear of losing everything they had worked for.  I would venture to say that in any kind of volume it would bring massive disruption and in the end, major revival to the body (not the modern church), but the body of Christ, the believers.  But man will not do it, it must be brought about via calamity, hardship or both.

Usher: How refreshing it would be to know that gathering to share in our lives with Christ would be something other than listening to one man’s current interpretation of his one-sided relationship.  When will people truly figure out that it’s not following man, it’s following Christ together?  It’s a corporate experience, not an oratory!

Deacon: Relax Usher, you don’t have to get so trumped up about it.  Man has followed man since the beginning of time and will continue to want a king on earth, a leader to tell him what to do and someone to think on his behalf.

“Tear Down & Destroy”

September 19, 2008

Deacon: Usher, I got a call, a very threatening one I might add, claiming that you are seeking simply to “tear down and destroy” the church.  No church is perfect, so why do you go to such ends to derail an imperfect vessel?

Usher: Everything is imperfect Deak, so are you saying one shouldn’t speak out against anything because it’s all imperfect?

Deacon: Be reasonable Usher.  You are attacking people and their attempt to obey the word and follow God in the best way they know how.

Usher: So if they are being led about by those who are simply out for your money to pay for their exravagant lifestyles (as in Creflo admitted he lives an extravagant lifestyle but see no wrong in it), we should just let them keep on giving while their houses are foreclosed on and they end up being a ward of the state and its social system?  Tell me what scriptures ratify that type of thinking?

Deacon: But people don’t see it as an attack on the church, they take it personal.

Usher: If the shoe fits, wear it.  If you’re the pastor taking their money, then fess up and stop! If you’re the sheep funding their preposterous and often lascivious lifestyle, then you fess up and stop!  Both parties are wrong, the system is wrong and so let it be challenged.  And about your “best way they know how”, here’s my response – “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

Branding “Jesus”

September 17, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, now that the modern church has resorted to marketing to attract members, there are no stops. 

Deacon: How’s that Usher?  What do you mean by stops?

Usher: No constraints.  They can make Jesus into anything they want to attract members.  It’s just like TV.  Jesus is black for the black churches, Michelangelo-like for the pretty churches, hell-preaching for the revival churches, kinder and gentler for the milk-toast churhces, vegan for the vegans and a meat-eater for the weber grillers.  He’s whatever the pastor thinks he is in his mind at the present time.  As long as it doesn’t rock the boat and send the people running for the exits, everything is fine.

Deacon: What if Jesus came down in the middle of the service and appeared to be middle eastern?  How would we react to that?

Usher: Forget about what race he might resemble, what if he told the entire church to get up off their butts and get on with making disciples or suffer the consequences!

Deacon: The modern church would be full the next week.  Because they’d just chalk it up to a miracle and the pastor of that church would be in the news and the pews would be overflowing.

The Brand of “Jesus”

September 12, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, don’t you pity the poor souls who buy into the rhetoric of the mainstream church? Especially the young ones who call themselves “church planters” who work for big old institutions.

Deacon: Kinda. But not really.  They’re too young to know any better and they don’t seem to want to do the due diligence it takes to find out that the organization they’re in is simply marketing the institution, not making disciples. 

Usher: It really is just like America and the whole American Dream.  It’s just that they’re using the brand of “Jesus” instead of Coca Cola or Pepsi or Marlboro.

Deacon: And interestingly enough, they see no wrong in it.  They seem to think that “marketing” is making disciples.  But in reality, it’s so different. 

Usher: They’re no better than “Carney Barkers” selling tickets to see the 2-headed, 5-arm lady.  Except in this case, the 2-headed lady is Benny Hinn, Richard Roberts, Kenny Copeland, Rick Warren…

Deacon: Usher, stop. You’re overdoing it man!  You gotta stop blasting the televangelists!  They need to eat their caviar, take their vacations and put fuel in their private jets too!

The Institution Must Be Challenged! It’s Been Hijacked!

September 11, 2008

Usher: Deak, it’d be so much easier if everyone wasn’t so quick to endorse the institution right out of the gate.  It’s apparent that the reputation and validity of the institution has to be challenged.

Deacon: At what cost, Usher? 

Usher: At any cost.  Man was the one that came up with the goofy model back in Constantine’s time and it’s foundation is wide and vast.  How is it that it hasn’t been questioned vehemently until today?

Deacon: Yet, the foundation is being shaken. By generations that seem to be more and more willing to speak out against it, due to the egregious acts against society the church has committed (Catholic church pedofiles and gambling priests, Televanglists, crooked Christian entertainers).

Usher: Don’t forget Deak, the only ones that are willing to speak up are those who have nothing to lose!

Deacon: You’ve got plenty of friends that fit into that category Usher.

Usher: That’s a little low…..

Televangelists’ School of Scandal

September 9, 2008

Usher: Deak, I put this up for you. 

Deacon: Oh so nice of you Usher.  What do you do for an encore?

Usher: Stay tuned….

 

Usher Responds to Comment on “Confessions of A Faithful Tither”

September 9, 2008

Iven Garland
ivengarland@yahoo.com | 207.154.59.124

I have a major problem with people who go against the church. Let your rent be due, lights b off, and no food in the fridge the church will be the first people u call. I’ve seen megq churches give cars ,houses, rebuild homes ,and lives. ” Touch not thy annointed and do the phophet no harm”.

From True Confessions of a Faithful Tither, Kandise Lucas, PhD, 2008/09/09 at 5:11 AM

Deacon: So what do you think about Iven’s comment Usher?

Usher: First of all, he should learn to use spell checker (and grammatical checker for that matter), second of all, a little good doesn’t cover up all the abuse, misuse and manipulation of the naive.  I wouldn’t put any of these hucksters in the category of annointed!

Deacon: So you’re saying that even if they do good – they should go?

Usher: The megachurch operates like a politician.  It’s mornings are spent lobbying for causes it will never fufill, it’s days spent enjoying the good life in an attempt to rub elbows with famous people and “Oh, by the way, give the crumbs to the food pantry”.  In the meantime, they live the life of Reilly flying around the country in private jets (provided by the church) and staying in 5 star hotels at the expense of those poor people who are impoverished because they are giving to these imposters.  When was the last time a politician kept their promise?  Have you ever seen the church come to your side and bail you out of a real problem?  People who read this, please stop by and tell us how you feel – and don’t forget to copy our friend Iven.

Extra Extra! Drive Thru Church Now Opens on West Side!

September 9, 2008

Usher: Hey Deak, the Chick-Fil-A model works quite nice here.  You know that church that does the video venues for 250K so people can come and worship to a screen!  And if they don’t like it, they can go and get their own screen.  Sort of like a fast food franchise.

Deacon: So what you’re saying Usher is that it really doesn’t matter if people split because it just means that there will be more churches and more tithe and more denominations.  Yeah, and pretty soon, we can just get our dose in a drive-thru and go on about what’s really important – Golf or Football or Soccer or the Bar …….

Usher: It truly reveals the motives of the modern day church.  Money and more of it!  Since they’ve bowed so low already, what’s wrong with a drive-thru?  It might go like this….I’ll take one Podcast sermon (not too condemning), two blessing cards for my kids (they’re special you know), a prayer card for my mother (cause I don’t call her enough), a DVD of the latest worship music (I dig Christian Rock) and throw in communion setups for everyone!  All wrapped up in a nice little case with headphones and a bag of stale donuts and 2 cups of awful coffee.  “America Runs on Drive-Thru Churches”.

Deacon: I can hear it now – “Sir, please pull up to the worship area while we prepare your experience.”

Judge Rules against Virginia Beach Pastor & Wife

September 8, 2008

Usher: Deak, check out this ruling by a judge. This church is named “Praise Three Church.”  I’ve got a couple interpretations on that name.

Deacon: What are those?

Usher: “Me, Myself & I” or how about “Praise Me”

Ken Montgomery, former pastor of what was called Praise 3 Ministries church, was accused of misusing more than $130,000 in church funds.  Story Here