Saddleback One Card!

Usher: Hey Deak, did you get your new Saddleback One Card?

Deacon: What on earth are you talking about?

Usher: It’s a new promotion by Warren’s church.  You can now get points based on how much you tithe, how many sermons you buy from their store and for regular attendance!

Deacon: You can’t be serious.  What on earth would you use points in church for?

Usher: Are you kidding me Deak?  I can get free schmultsy Christian CDs based on how much tithe I give.  No one will ever know.  I just swipe my card at those cool ATM (automatic tithing machines) in the foyer and it’ll secretly record my points and send me a statement.  Grand prize is box seats right up front so I can see Rick and his team, possibly get his autograph and if I can accrue 10,000 bonus points, I can have lunch with him!

Deacon: You’ve got to be off your perch there Usher.

Usher:  I’m opting for a picture of Rick on my card, during his invocation with Barack Obama…..I fell blessed.


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15 Responses to “Saddleback One Card!”

  1. Mark R Says:

    NO WAY!!!! Is this for real???

    How come you don’t give me something for every ten visits to this site??? …. that’s it!!! I’m off to Saddleback.

  2. Deacon Says:

    Usher: Hey Deak, Mark does have a point. He does visit the site a lot.

    Deacon: So?

    Usher: Why don’t you surrender up some of those antlers or maybe a ‘coon tail or two from your roadkill stash?

  3. Meg Says:

    Deacon and Usher…….euwwwwwwww!!!!

    As for the brownie points church thing….would you like fries with that?

  4. Alan Paul Says:

    Pretty soon there’ll be a time of recognition during the services – maybe right after the baptisms or something or maybe during the baby dedication services that these churches have every quarter, everyone who accrues a certain amount of points can get a foil stamped certificate given to him by Rick on stage in front of everyone. That way they can receive their just rewards. (Matt. 6:1-3)

  5. Paul White Says:

    Deak, the reality is, is that in every age the church adopts whatever the dominant worldview is. It doesn’t excuse Saddleback from critique but I don’t think they are the worst of the materialistic offenders in the Church. I would say, is the Church in the buisness of exploiting their congregation for their own self interests? Are they abusing thier members spiritually if they don’t perform up to speed in ministry? Are they denying essential doctrines for salvation? If not they they shouldn’t be lumped in with the other wolves. It could be propaganda but I hear that saddleback is transparent with the congregation about finances and he sows the majority of his personal finances into the kingdom. Also, the celebrate recover program which helps addicts integrate into chuch life, is excellent in that they destigmatize them so they don’t have to feel like such a freak when there around the normal churchgoers. Much they way Jesus accepted the freaks during his time. I’m a freak too so I can talk like this if I want too… When you critique the Church, and their not abusing the flock, be sure to point out what they do good…. Deak, do you believe that the organized Church in America and also western europe is not really the Church?

  6. Mark R Says:

    I’ve stolen this idea and posted on it … I’m telling you this because I don’t want to be road kill dinner!!

  7. Harry Says:

    Deacon and Usher,

    I think this is crazy…..but, I did not hear anything about keeping records of tithes or purchases????? Where did you get this info from? It is not found anywhere on Saddlebacks website, unless I just missed it.

    I think this is really a very good tool for churches where the leadership is controlling and using the people to build their own kingdom. But if your a church that loves people then you can just build relationships with your people and then you would know who did not show up. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT ONE OF YOUR MINISTRY WORKERS DID NOT SHOW UP THEN YOU ARE DISCONNECTED FROM THE GROUP AND ARE NOT A LEADER. IF YOU SAY “THE CHURCH IS JUST TOO BIG” then you are correct YOUR CHURCH IS JUST TOO BIG!!!!

    Deacon please provide info regarding the tithing and purchasing on the One Card. You should not post this without facts.

    • Deacon Says:

      Usher: Deak, I guess our friend Harry has yet to learn the definition of “satire”

      Deacon: Yeah, that one went right by Harry – hehe

      Usher: Now who’s being cruel to the humans?

  8. Christy Says:

    Harry was spot on. Even if your intent was satire (Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity) that’s a pretty strong accusation to make. Especially since most readers won’t take the time to check things out for themselves. I have no problem with holding churches/Christians accountable, but we need to be true ourselves. You know, don’t point out the splinter in their eyes if we have a log in ours, that kind of thing.

    • Deacon Says:

      Deacon: Hey Usher, we tweaked another idealistic Christian with your comment.

      Usher: Oh well, their idealism is their greatest flaw. Just who is perfect enough to keep another accountable? Like the priests who take confession and molest little ones? Or maybe it’s Creflo who uses tithe to buy a Rolls? He holds his people accountable while he robs them and God. Or maybe Richard Roberts who buys dozens of pairs of golf shoes while his wife meets underage kids on campus? So just who is the accountant in all this?

      Deacon: Usher, you’re going off on her. She means well, she’s just protecting an ideal that she believes in. A dream of perfection in all it’s splendor of cut-and-paste doctrine and false applications.

  9. Meg Says:

    Whoa there guys…

    It’s not idealistic to ask for references or proof its just common sense.

    Good satire is always rooted in actual events and genuine facts rather than speculation otherwise it becomes self-serving.

    And we keep each other accountable, as you well know, this blog being a good example of that.

  10. The Mark of the Beast « A Deconstructed Christian Says:

    […] (HT and many kowtows to Deacon and Usher) […]

  11. Mark Says:

    Good post. I saw the satire, and the sad truth behind it.

  12. steward Says:

    hey deacon,
    first of all, nice site. Second, do you have a link or a source that validates your story here?

    – jared

    • Deacon Says:

      Usher: Deak, help this guy validate our story will ya?

      Deacon: He’s on the internet, let him check.

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