“It’s Just Church”

Usher: Hey Deak, I think I’ve got the perfect out for pastors!

Deack: Why do pastors need an out?

Usher: Because they all use different biblical excuses to back their choices, cover up their real motives and snow the church goers.  They need to be just like the CEOs of our great capitalistic country and tell everyone the same thing in response to any decision that the congregation might disagree with.

Deacon: And what’s that?

Usher: See below…

Layperson: Pastor, how come you built a bigger building and more classrooms instead of giving more money to the mission field?

Pastor:  You have to understand that this is what the people demand of us.  They wanted more programs and better facilities for their privileged children, after all “It’s just church”

Layperson: Pastor, I understand you’re stopping the homeless ministry in light of increasing the choir budget and adding a new addition onto the chapel. 

Pastor: We really don’t have the resources to help the homeless.  There are much more qualified services that are offered by the state.  It’s really not our calling.  We are not the answer to today’s social demise, after all, “we’re only a church”.

Layperson: Pastor, can we sponsor the orphanage infrastructure project so they can have clean drinking water and a working septic system?  If we forego the mission trip ($1500/kid x 30 kids) and simply give the money directly to the orphanage, they can hire local companies to do the work that has been needed for 5 years.

Pastor: We’ve already committed to the mission trip.  I’m afraid this type of change would be too disruptive to the plans everyone has made for the trip.  Maybe next year.  After all, we can’t fix the world, “we’re only one church”.


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6 Responses to ““It’s Just Church””

  1. Mark Says:

    Hit that one out of the park. If ever there was a word that has been so corrupted as to mean nearly the exact opposite of what it should mean it is the word ‘church’.

  2. Alan Paul Says:

    I am interested in the story behind the last scenario where the orphanage needed water works and the pastor refused to consider spending the money on it instead of sending the kids on a mission trip. Is there one or is that a hypothetical or representative situation?

  3. Deacon Says:

    Usher: It’s true Deak. They could have simply cancelled the trip – shipped the money and 180 kids would have had a septic system that functions and a water filtration system.

    Deak: But oh don’t we know better than they. They are 3rd world and couldn’t possibly understand how sending the children on a short term mission trip is so much more important than clean facilities for 180 orphans who will most likely never see a family or have a life outside of being a peasant, a drug addict or a prostitute.

    Usher: This is a true story and it’s what inspired the T-shirt on this post several months back… https://deaconandusher.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/deacon-usher-t-shirts-3/

  4. Paul White Says:

    Thats our Church at Brooklyn Tabernacle. Do you guys have cameras with audio in our pastoral offices? WOW!…You know why its so important to send kids and teens to the 3rd world? So they can be grateful for what they have in the good ole U.S OF A. The translation is ” I thank God I’m not like those poor bastards in the phillipeans” I hear that crap come out of peoples mouths all the time… We also stopped the feeding program at our local housing project, the reason according to Pastor Cymbala? “We need to stick to ministries that we’re good at”. I think its because people from the projects don’t make for good converts, they don’t have any real money to give and they would be a burden to their Pastoral staff. Poor peoples problems are not cost effective y’know…

  5. Like a mustard seed Says:

    Ah yes, the short-term mission trip…. Such an ingenious idea really. How else can you go on vacation, while receiving admiration for doing something so noble, and while other people help foot the bill?

    I remember my first short term mission trip well…. There was the camping, the river rafting, the rock climbing & rapelling, and of course, the trip to disneyland, and also the day at a California beach playing in the waves. Oh, and we also spent a few days nailing some pieces of plywood together and calling it a “house” for some very poor people in Tijuanna.

    Good times, good times…..

  6. sephie Says:

    Our church has local mission trips to homeless shelters, including cooking dinner, bringing cookies, and having “sing alongs” with the residents who wish to participate. No one is coerced to sing along. This only costs pennies (okay, quarters!) in gas of the church members who drive the other church members in their carpool. The church members contribute homemade food from their own kitchens. (Except for me, I bring something store bought) Our Mission Committee also helps to fund international missionaries and international projects, such as purchasing items to be sent to other countries. Church members can earmark contributions to the Mission Committee, if they wish to do so. I don’t think that our church has ever participated in any “vacation like” mission projects.

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