Pastor “squirmers” Questions

Usher: Hey Deak, want to make a pastor squirm?

Deacon: Sure, that’s fun, we deacons are pretty damn good at it.

Usher: I beg your pardon, I think you suck at it.

Deacon: You haven’t been in the pastor’s office on many occasions, how would you know?

Usher: I see the results.  Tell me how your pastor would answer the following (better yet, tell me how your pastor, your televangelist or your missional church planter would answer these questions):

Layman: Pastor, I’m not going to be able to make my jumbo payment on my mortgage in December, can you help?

Pastor: How much is it?

Layman: $6,000

Pastor: (whispers to Deacon) How much money do we have in the treasury?

Deacon: Only $3,000 after we pay your salary.

Usher: Or how about this one Deak?


Layman: Pastor, my sun was arrested last night for a second time and I cannot make bail. 


Pastor: What did he do?  He was caught in a car with a friend who had a large amount of drugs, cocaine.  He was arrested as an accomplice and is being charged with felony drug possession.


Layman: If I cannot make bail by tonight, they’ll move him to Rykers where he’ll obviously be in grave danger.


Pastor: What is the bail?


Layman: $250,000


Usher: And finally Deak, how about this one?


Deacon: Pastor, it’s been brought to my attention that there are 6 families in our church who are in houses that have been foreclosed on due to unemployment and the housing crisis.


Pastor: And what do you think we can do?


Deacon: I’m not sure Pastor, 3 of them are without any savings as they are from small business and they have no savings left.  They are going to most likely end up on the street or in a shelter.

Usher: So Deak, tell me your pastor has faced these and if so, how did he answer them?


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3 Responses to “Pastor “squirmers” Questions”

  1. Sephie Says:

    Our small church has a Deacon’s Fund that church members and friends can donate to. Church members with financial hardships can request money from the Deacon’s Fund. This way, church members can help other church members with anonymity. Some folks prefer anonymity, while others prefer to help directly. Anyway, the general church budget is somewhat tight. There are five staff members with modest salaries. Other expenses include insurance, electricity, heat, custodian services, and gardener services. The church building is used six to seven days a week for various purposes. Our church comes out with an annual report, detailing these expenses plus other expenses such as local and international Mission projects, Christian education for various ages, and other things that I can’t remember at the moment. No church is perfect; however, our church is not a megachurch with a hidden budget.

  2. Paul White Says:

    Normally, I respond very negatively on these sites because of my own bad experiences but as Sephie so descriptively puts it there are good, mature churches out there, you just gotta know what to look for.

  3. francisdrakeprivateer Says:

    My wife was in a Baptist Church years before we met.

    At some time the leadership told the church that it would be good thing to have a fuller picture of the total giving within the congregation.
    Apparently this would make the books look good, seeing large amounts of money going in and out again.

    The request was made that members should no longer give privately, but that money should be put in a labelled envelope, and the church would pass it on to the appropriate person, missionary or church fund.

    Dutifully the members obliged.

    My wife had been supporting another woman, who was a missionary abroad. On the next occasion she happened to give a considerable sum of money, and she did it via the church as requested.

    Sometime later, the Pastor said that if the leaders believed God had told them to place the money elsewhere they would then redirect it! I guess that most assumed they were meaning between church funds.

    My wife had enough wisdom to cease giving through the church at that point. However when she next met the missionary Lady my wife was asked if there was something wrong at the church. The missionary had received no funds for over two years. My wife knew that she should have had the money, but as she says, how do you confront the leadership with that?

    Why is it that we believe the Leaders of a church have a God ordained right to micro manage the lives of the saints. My wife believed that God had told her to give it to this Lady, however the leadership’s closer proximity to God apparently trumps the ordinary saint.

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