God’s Perfect Church Planters – Church Hopping #4

Now Accepting Applications! (f/ Adam with the FC remix)

1. We’re not looking for church hopping Christians! If you can’t plug in at a church because you haven’t found the perfect church then let me save you some time. We’re not perfect so mark us off of your list. I’m serious!

2. We’re not looking for granola bar Christians! Granola is made up of fruits, nuts and flakes. We’re not interested. We’re trying to reach people that are far from God and to be quite honest we do not want to push them farther away. Weird in the name of God is still weird!

3. We’re not looking for disgruntled Christians! If you are mad at your current or previous pastor/church then please don’t expect us to take your side (or even listen to your side). We have more important things to do then to pacify whiny Christians. Make it right and move on!

4. We’re not looking for trendy Christians! We’re not trying to create a new church fad that attracts all kinds of Christians that are bored with their current churches. We value and respect all kinds of church models and philosophies. If you like getting on board with new church trends then you’ll find yourself in the wrong place!

5. We’re not looking for fix-it Christians! Please don’t come if you feel the need to fix pastors, ministries and churches. You won’t enjoy it here and we won’t enjoy having you. God’s vision for Forward Church is not broken so please take your toolbox somewhere else!

I agree with him!

Check back often as I continue to work out what Forward Church will look and feel like.

Until next time.


Usher; Hey Deak, it’s the perfect church – they don’t need anyone who isn’t just like them!

Deacon: What is “just like them”

Usher: Don’t have a clue – let me see if I can figure it out –

– No church hoppers
– No fruits nuts or flakes – no cereal christians
– No one who is hurting
– No whiny christians
– No disgruntled christians
– No “faddy” christians
– No fix-it christians

Deacon: Do they even know christians?  I’ve never seen a church with anything but the above!

Usher: My point exactly!  In their eyes, they’re perfect.  They must have won God’s gold medals at the spiritual olympics!

Deacon: So what happens when they are out in the mission field and one of them fails in the eyes of a Muslim or a JW or a Mormon or a Hindu or a Buddhist?

Usher: Then I guess Christ loses because their christianity is nothing but perfect – and if everyone is not perfect, their gospel don’t work


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3 Responses to “God’s Perfect Church Planters – Church Hopping #4”

  1. Mark Says:

    They are just following the example of Jesus. I’m pretty sure that Peter, John, James, Paul and all the guys Jesus chose to be his original witnesses and disciples were all pretty close to perfect in every way. There was even this guy named Judas that never ever made a mistake from the day Jesus called him to be a disciple. I could be wrong about that though.

  2. Jeff Says:

    Sounds like a bunch of stuff I’ve wished I could put on a list at some time or other.

    Do you think they will need, um, deacons and ushers?

  3. Deacon Says:

    Usher: Not our type, I’m sure;)

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