Usher: Deak, I’m not much for payin’ pastors, but lots of today’s nuclear families are.
Deacon: Most people think a pastor is worth his wage. What’s your point?
Usher: Well, here are some of the real reasons we pay the pastor….
- To buy the matzas for communion – because we don’t know which brand to buy
- To put up with Margaret the secretary who’s there because the last pastor wrote her into the bylaws
- Visiting “Vinny” in the hospital – we don’t know Vinny and going to the hospital smells!
- To run the business meetings – what a waste of time – I’ll never go to one of those again!
- To deal with Mikey the youth pastor who botched his college career and has no other way to make $$
- To be the arbitrator between the “hymn lovers” and the “boomers” who prefer contemporary worship
- To manage those A-personality girls who run the VBS every year – oh they are so annoying
- To counsel Fred the “want-to-be elder” who cannot seem to ever pass up a request for prayer or a recommitment of his faith
- To field the complaints of the blue-hairs on “what’s for Wednesday night dinner”
- To attend the Wednesday night dinners
- To hire all the “yes” men for the deacon board
- To attend the leadership meetings and settle all the trivial arguments amongst the “yes” men
- To have dinner with all the visiting missionaries – especially the translators – who can relate?
- To counsel all the troubled wives – note we said wives – cause their husbands never come
- To approve the worship list and settle the disputes between worship leaders
- To read the announcements for the same 12 people who care about the announcements
- Last but not least – to prepare the sermons I can never recall and to pray for the same 10 people who request it every week
Deacon: Your view is slightly cynical, Usher.
Usher: If you’re readin’ this, let us know what your pastor gets paid for?????
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