Posts Tagged ‘congregation’

Divide & Conquer

April 20, 2009

Usher:  Deak, I been told that the church is supposed to be separated from state and I don’t have a problem with that.  But how come all them humans run the church like a business?

Deacon: They are raised and taught in a “command and conquer” society where rigid guidelines and hierarchy are the norm.  (Unlike how the church was actually established around a decentralized model with not titles, no bosses and no hierarchy.)

Usher: So that’s why the pastor is the CEO, the assistant is the aggressive VP with the pedigree pursuing the career path and the sheep are mere afterthoughts?

Deacon: You go it!  They simply see church as a vocation and nothing more.  Once they find a place where they can attain control, they must build up their congregation so they can store away their retirements and 401Ks and all that crap.  The sheep are the ones who fund it all, but nothing more.

Usher: So where is God in all this?  Don’t they know that the “command and conquer” model is subject to strife, infighting and easily overthrown or divided?

Deacon:  That doesn’t really matter to them.  In fact, it plays right into their hand.  It’s because they are in it mostly for the money.  (If you took away their money, they’d leave.) When things get rough, they simply pacify the sheep with programs (crumbs) and they use the sheep money to fund it all.  Kind of interesting, eh?  In the days of the Apache, the government couldn’t tame the Apache because they were decentralized.  Killing them was actually making them multiply.  They had no chiefs and no hierarchy, they operated in circles of influence.  Destroy one circle, and two more would crop up. They were a nemesis even into the 20th century after most of the other tribes had been conquered.

Usher: How did the government finally conquer them?

Deacon: Funny you should ask.  They gave the spiritual leaders (who operated just like al qaeda cell group leaders), the Nant’ans – cattle.  With this brought prestige and a pecking order and voila!  In just a few years, the Apaches were tamed and living out their lives in reservations with cows and booze!

Usher: Kind of like dumb Christians going to church every Sunday and doing just what the pastor wants in exchange for babysitting, donuts and coffee?  And all at the expense of the sheep?

Deacon: Most people would say your depiction is a little harsh, but you get the picture….

Usher: Wow, don’t the sheep know that if they simply stop going, all of the corruption will stop? They don’t need these greedy blokes to pacify them and lull them into a false sense of security.  And if they sat and did the math and realized that all that “tithe” is just funding the 401K and paying for the home of some money-grubbing pastor, why won’t they walk away?

Deacon: The oldest and largest companies in the world are insurance companies.  They sell peace-of-mind and nothing more.  Sheep are dumb and they will pay anything for someone to tell them everything is “gonna be all right”.

…if the Church recognized Missionaries

October 12, 2008

This is response from a comment by Vanity of Vanities….great question by the way!

Usher: Hey Deak, you got a response for Vanity of Vanities?

Deacon: Once again Usher, the overall understanding of missionaries is that they are weak, needy, dependent and obliged to come back to their church with their hat in hand begging for support.

Usher: Isn’t that what missionaries are to most churches?

Deacon: To most churches – that is exactly what the churches have made the missionaries out to be.  Because mission funds are just another program and the church simply does it because they’ve been told that that’s the right thing to do.  Missionaries are almost never a priority especially with the pastor.  If they were, the pastor would have to give up more of his money.  But today’s church has made them such a minority in the areas of finance, that they are supported separate from the church tithe with special offerings.  As you and I are not supporters of the 10% tithe, then one might ask, where would support dollars come from to support the missionaries?  From the congregation of course! 

Usher: I get it.  The congregation has no part in interacting with the missionaries, or getting their hands dirty. The pastor either hoards all the time with the missionary family or simply defaults to it because the congregation has no interest or simply doesn’t validate the role of the missionary other than coming back to the church to beg for money every so often!  Wow, if the pastors only knew that by not making the congregation aware of the true roles of the missionary, they end up simply throwing all of the onus back onto him!  And now he’s simply a jack-of-all-ministries and master-of-none!

Deacon: If one were to rebuild this thinking, they would simply do away with the tithe, spend time getting to know the missionaries in their body, work towards contributing to the cause of the missionary, send the pastor out to tent-making school and the church would once again flourish.  A church could actually further the kingdom by supporting missionaries who are out making disciples instead of lame marketing schemes carried out by the modern church that don’t have a chance other than to grow programs.

Usher: Ain’t gonna happen!  Man won’t change until God brings about disaster and takes away all the chocolates!  We need another Egypt or fall of Rome or something to wake the church up.  Till then, they’ll simply sit around and debate.

Deacon: Kind of like what we’re doing?

Usher: Hey, if one set of ears hears it and makes a true change in their way of thinking – we could have a revolution!  And missionaries would be seen as warriors instead of pitiful little beggars as we have made them out to be.

How Not to Win Friends and Influence Pastors ;)

August 14, 2008

Usher: Deak, I put together some buzzard questions for my friends…

Deacon: And what are these for?

Usher: They’re the questions you save until you’re really ready to be kicked out of the nest, I mean church…

Pastor, do you tithe, and if so – how much?

Where Pastor, in the word does it say that the pastor is the head of the church?

Why did you go to Harvard to become a shepherd? 

How come you preach on a 4th grade level and refuse to serve anything but milk and cookies?

Tell me why you require membership.  Am I not a member of the kingdom when I accept Christ?

How much of my tithe actually goes towards furthering the kingdom?

Why do we have youth pastors?  Wouldn’t babysitters serve the same purpose?

How is it that every time the church needs money, you ask for it from the laypeople?

What church would you really like to be head of and what’s your career path to get there?

How come all your elders are “Yes men”?

How come you never preach about things like drugs, alcoholism, pornography, poverty in the church, spousal abuse?

How come you drive a brand new car every three years?

How many hours a day do you actually pray for your congregation?

You say that the Bible has all the answers, how come you refer people with “real” problems to “professional” help?

Show me where tithe is substantiated without using an old testament scripture and in context?

 


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.